It's been a bad steroid day. I crawled into bed with Tanner this morning and was just lying there looking at him and he wanted to know what I was looking at. I told him I was just checking to see if it was "Evil Tanner" or not. That got a small smile from him.
He said, "I just want to go home". I told him I wasn't going to try and say anything to make him feel better because I know there's nothing I can say that will make things any easier for him right now. I just told him I understood that he wants this to all be over but that this is something we just have to get through to ensure that he can have a long healthy life.
The PA said things are progressing as they are supposed to and that we "should" be home by Christmas. Tanner and I both fully expect him to progress through this as he has the previous chemo treatments which would put us home right before Christmas.
He hates taking the DEX (high dose steroids) and they really make him almost angry and aggressive. He has been very silent all day today and said he just wants to be left alone so I've been working at the computer all afternoon.
The PA told us that the younger patients have more problems with the steroids making them aggressive and angry - so at least Tanner's heard that it's not just him. He's a totally different person while he's taking these things. The nurses were even telling him they aren't used to him being so subdued. They all miss their smiling Tanner.
Tomorrow is the last morning he has to take the steroids and he and I are both SO THANKFUL!
Saturday his chemo bag will be disconnected and after that we just wait for his body to bottom out and then recover.
She also asked if this is Tanner's first consolidation and we told her we didn't know if he was going to have to take another one or not. She looked at his file and said as young as Tanner is and aggressively as Dr. Barlogie has been treating him, she bet he would have another one.
The longer treatment goes on the harder being away from home is for Tanner and I both. We just have to keep our eye on the eventual goal of full remission and being home on a maintenance program.
I would see why both of you would be angry right now. I probably would have thrown my hands up and screamed a long time ago. You are so close to having all of this behind you. I know this doesn't make it any easier and I pray that God will wrap His arms around you both and help you to get through this.
ReplyDeleteI will tell you something......I hope it will lift your spirits and give you something to look forward to.......THERE WILL BE A SURPRISE WAITING FOR YOU WHEN YOU GET HOME. Nothing huge but something I think you will enjoy.
So now this will give you both a chance to speculate and try to figure out what it is.
There are a lot of people who love you guys and who have heavy hearts because of all this.
All our love to you, Granny and Pop