Sunday, November 8, 2009

I went to bed at 10 p.m. and slept the sleep of exhaustion until I awoke about 2 a.m. I can't quiet my mind and go back to sleep. It's 6:00 a.m. now and I've been up and down and just can't fall back to sleep.

I keep thinking the sun will rise soon and maybe I can go for a walk. Maybe if I can just walk for a while, I can come back and go to sleep for a few more hours.

I'm home from Arkansas and should be relaxing for the next several weeks, but I can't settle in - I can't settle my mind down.

I've been thinking a lot about my mom; about my memaw - and wishing they were still with me.

It just keeps going around and around in my head. The doctor said that the fact that Tanner's Lamba Light Cells are a little high means that there might be a little cancer still there that they just need to "watch" -- but that they probably aren't active.

I just want it to be all gone. For him to be completely cancer free. I just wish I could take it all from him. All the cancer, all the worry, and all the treatments.

I know it's going to be okay. I know Dr. Barlogie has the treatment under control and that he's going to get all of this. Sometimes I just have a hard time dealing. I'm sure Tanner does too.

I've looked online for a teen cancer support group but haven't been able to find anything yet. I think I will ask Dr. Davis (the children's Oncologist that Tanner sees in Fort Worth) if he knows of any groups. I think it would be good for Tanner to have some other teenagers to talk to who have gone through some of these same things that he is having to deal with.

I don't quite know why I'm even here writing at 6 in the morning. I guess I've just gotten use to turning to the blog every evening and putting down how each day has gone, so here I am early on a Sunday morning when I can't seem to find rest.

I guess we all have good and bad days. I'm sure tomorrow will be a better day.


  1. Angie, know all of the family members that have passed may not be here is physical form but rest asured they are all with you in spirit. You are just as much as a soldier as Tanner is. The fight the two of you together have shown, the power of prayer from all your loved ones, the hearts and passion of the Doctors, the suprise donations from strangers, and most important the grace of the Lord will bring you both thru this. All of the emotions you are having is normal, but when I tell you that you have done an amazing job please belive it. I've told you before that if I were givin something of this sort in life I could only ask to have the strength and faith just like the two of you have shown. I love you both !T.D.

  2. I will ask at my hospital about a teen support group! I think that would be excellent! So when is the next get together? Tanner is here your here lets celebrate! I want to see ya'll and those babies! I had not been able to log on here for awhile for some reason something happened to my account and my access was/has been being denied. I think we have it figured out now. so I will cont to pester you guys! much love

  3. Ahh Julie, Brett so wanted chocolate pie! I couldn't help myself!! We should be home until November 22nd (the day we will have Thanksgiving with Granny Jane and hope to see your and your family there). Then we will be back again after Christmas and hope at that time we will be here for at least three months.