Beginning's End

Tanner will have a CAT Scan of the broken left tibia tomorrow (which was orignally broken in June 2009) at 1:45 at Cook Children's Hospital.  This will be the last test needed at this time.

He told me he feels pretty sure that Dr. Nicholas will recommend surgery on the bone because, he says, he can see the bone move under the skin... 

It's been nearly two years, I would think at this point they should decide one way or another if surgery is necessary or not.  Hopefully we won't hear "let's give it a few more months and see". 

Like I've said several times lately, Tanner is ready to move on with his life.

I have an agent I've worked with for over ten years... Chet-Chet...  He would call me at least once a week the whole time we were in Little Rock while Tanner went through his treatment.

He was diagnosed wtih lung cancer in December and has gone through radiation and months of chemo treatment - and seemed to tolerate everything so very well...

Yesterday he found that the chemo has spread throughout his bones and that there is nothing more they can do and that at the stage where he is, he probably only has months to live - and that the bone cancer is probably going to be painful.

I sat at my desk in tears and then went outside and walked around for a while...  He had been doing so well; everyone was sure the news was going to be good.

Today Chet called me (it's his birthday) and he sounded so good.  He told me he didn't care what the doctors say, he feels like he's got at least a couple of years left.  He isn't in any pain at all and is finally feeling better after all of the chemo treatments.

After talking with him, I can't help but contemplate life...  I get so bogged down in the negative, the heartbreak, the turmoil...  I haven't truly "lived" in a long time...

What am I doing??  I need to start living as if this is it - as if there's no tomorrow.  It's time... It's time... 

I need to find my happiness again.

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end...