Tuesday, March 13, 2012


Well, I went with Tanner on Friday to his appointment in Fort Worth with Dr. Asad at Texas Oncology.  The nurse always comes in and takes the history before the doctor enters the room and Tanner told her that Dr. Berryman in Dallas had prescribed a pain patch to see if he receives more consistent relief from his bone aches.  She made a comment that they didn't have any notes in his records about being on pain medication (though I would have sworn I remembered talking to Dr. Asad about Tanner's pain at our first and only appointment actually seeing him).

When next the door opened, it was the PA instead of Dr. Asad and he asked Tanner a lot of questions about his pain and what kind of medications he has been taking.  Tanner told him he's been on Hydrocodone for years now but that he seems to be building a tolerance to it so Dr. Berryman had prescribed the patch.  The PA started bringing up the concerns of becoming dependent on pain medications and I told him that Tanner and I had discussed that issue in depth with Dr. Berryman and that Dr. B had told me that, while he understood the concern of dependency, we also had to make sure that Tanner is given enough releief for the bone aches to have quality of life.

The PA said that his concern was that he wasn't sure if the pain was MM related or not.  He said that the muscle spasms Tanner is having in his back might be treatment related and could be the results of the velcade that Tanner has been on for three years now and that he might benefit from a muscle relaxer.  I told him that I could see that a muscle relaxer might be a good idea at bedtime, but that I didn't think Tanner could function daily while taking them.

The PA explained that what caused him to be concerned that the pain might not be Multiple Myeloma related was because, if it was caused from the cancer, Tanner would be able to point to exactly where the pain was.  We explained to him that Tanner could do that and, in fact, when we were in Dr. Berryman's office the week before, Tanner was able to point to very specific places where the ache is always present.  His lower left leg, his knee, his hip, and his lower back.  The PA said "but Tanner doesn't have cancer in his lower extremities".  I know that I must have given him a look like he was completely crazy - and I told him that yes, Tanner does have lesions in his legs and in fact the left tibia snapping completely in two was how the first MM lesion was found and that he spent a year in a full leg cast and another in a full leg brace.  I told him that according to all the tests that were ran, Tan has hundreds, "innumerable" lesions throughout his body and there is hardly any bone in his body that wasn't effected.

He said that information concerned him because the full body survey that was just performed doesn't mention any areas in the legs - not even old damage where the break occured.

I think what I'm going to do is ask for a copy of the report from the survey that was just performed and the report from the survey that was ran when he was first diagnsed (I have copies of all the reports from the scans done in Arkansas) - and just sit down and read everything myself.

These doctors are busy and neither Dr. Berryman or the PA had actually sat and read the report until Tanner and I were in the room and mentioned them.  I know they are all very busy professionals with many patients.  I'm the mother of a son with Multiple Myeloma.  I have plenty of time to read all the reports in depth and compare everything side by side.

Tanner and Cearra come to my home on Sunday nights to watch the Walking Dead with me - and they are doing so well!  Still completely in love with each other...  The series ends this next Sunday night and I have to admit, I will miss those couple of hours spent with them each week.

My 50th birthday is next Wednesday... 50....  It's causing a lot of introspection about how I want to live this next phase of my life. 

What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare? –

No time to stand beneath the boughs
And stare as long as sheep or cows:

No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass:

No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night:

No time to turn at Beauty’s glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance:

No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began?

A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

...W.H. Davies

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