Dr. Berryman said that at this point Tanner should just continue with his maintenance chemo as he's been doing the last year and a half with no changes and we return to Dallas to see him again in December. He also said that he talked with Dr. Albritten at Cook's Oncology and they are going to start phasing Tanner over to Texas Oncology during the next two months.
Dr. Albritten said they are writing a "Young Adult Protocol" and Tanner is their guinea pig. She has been talking with him about the importance of reading and signing his own medical forms. They also discussed clinical trials and that he shouldn't just agree to participate in any that might be presented to him in the future until talking with his doctors and investigating the trials to the fullest. This is all part of "phasing" their young patients over to adult practices. They don't want to just release him until they've spent some time discussing with him the importance of being responsible for his own medical care.
He's been attending evening classes at Tarrant County College for two weeks now. He told Dr. Albritten this week that so far "nothing has scared him yet"... Last night when I picked him up he said the work has really started and that he has lots of homework that needs to be done before he goes back to classes next week.
I talked with him about realizing that school is going to be a lot of hard work but that if he will just give this his best shot and really apply himself, in two years he can have an Associates Degree and will be able to pursue a career that will afford him a wage where he can become self sufficient and independent. Something that we all want...
Lisa, the Young Adults Coordinator at Cook's Oncology, and I were talking the other day about how far Tanner has come from where he was a year ago. I am so very proud of him and the progress he's made.
He and I both have been in what he calls our "mood" for over a week now. I told him that maybe it has something to do with the fact that we were able to spend a week in paradise in Hawaii and have come back to the reality of our every day lives.... It's an adjustment....
He needs to focus on school, taking over his own medical care, and improving his chances for a successful future. I need to focus on letting him go and improving my own personal situation. 19 or 49, we are still works in progress and both need to learn to take care of ourselves...
As Beth tells me, "we can't control anyone but ourselves"... It's time to let Tanner start to control the direction of his medical care and future and me to start controlling the path of my own life...
Letting go is sometimes a difficult thing to do, but maybe realizing you never really had control is the hardest of all...
"Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for." - Epicurus
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