Thursday, January 13, 2011

Before and After

It's like I've had two lives.  There's the life before my baby was diagnosed with cancer and then there's life after.

I find myself thinking often of the day that Tanner broke his leg.  I remember being at work all day and getting a call from him asking if he could go to a friend's house to swim for a while and then later getting the next call with him saying that he had fallen and that he thought his leg was broken.  I asked if he needed me to come and pick him up and he said no, that Rickey was with him and that they would drive back home.

They pulled into my driveway and Tanner was driving (he was worried about the insurance on the car)!  He opened that car door and almost fell out onto the driveway.  Short little Rickey came around the car and picked up 6 foot tall Tanner and carried him to my car and we headed off to the Emergency Room.
I was upset and worried because he was in such pain - and because it was so obvious that his bone was broken completely in two.  Never, ever did a thought of cancer come near to entering my mind.  Thoughts of the pain he was in, casts having to be placed on the leg, normal thoughts for a "simple" broken bone.  Those were the thoughts in my head that night.

I think of those moments sitting in that exam room waiting on the results of the x-ray.  As unexpected and stressful as it was to have to be at the Emergency Room for a broken leg, I had not a clue that those would be the last moments that he or I would EVER have that would be without the worry of "cancer" hanging over our heads.

After the pain pills starting doing their job and Tanner could relax from all the pain, there was laughter and talk - and no serious worries beyond having to wait for them to come back so that the cast could be put on the broken leg.

The doctor walked in and we smiled at him, clueless, and then he spoke those words that started the whole process that has forever changed our lives, "There is no easy way to say this other than to just say it, there's a tumor in the bone". 

 Tanner and I looked at each other and the worry was immediately in both of our minds...  Cancer...

One of the first things he said to me was "Kelson".  His beloved cousin Kelson who had just recently died, too young, after his own battle with this dreaded disease.


That was the first night of our journey down this new life with cancer...

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