Merry Christmas 2010

Merry Christmas..

We had Beckett and Kelsey over for Christmas Eve and you could see the joy in Beckett's eyes.

Our Christmas Day wasn't what we expected  but it's the second Christmas that Tanner has been with me since he was diagnosed with cancer so that's a blessed Christmas I would say.

I told my boys that families come in all sizes.  Our's may be a small family, but we have each other.

I grilled chicken for lunch and then the boys and I went to see the new Harry Potter movie.  They seemed to like it and since I've seen all the Harry Potter movies with my sons since the series started (and read the books) I enjoyed it too.

We have a Christmas event today at Granny Janes and Pop Jerry's house and then we can start getting ready to put 2010 behind us and focusing on 2011 and all the changes that are coming. Some I'm going to struggle with accepting and some I'm hoping for with all my heart.

This Christmas Tanner has remained in remission for a year.  Like I said, that's the biggest blessing of them all...

Change

If you knew that you would die today,
If you saw the face of God and Love,
Would you change? Would you change?

If you knew that love can break your heart,
If you're down so low you cannot fall,
Would you change? Would you change?

How bad, how good does it need to get?
How many losses, how much regret?
What chain reaction would cause an effect?
Makes you turn around, makes you try to explain,
Makes you forgive and forget, makes you change?

If you knew that you would be alone,
Knowing right and being wrong,
Would you change? Would you change?

If you knew that you had found a truth,
That brings up pain that can't be soothed,
Would you change? Would you change?

How bad, how good does it need to get?
How many losses, how much regret?
What chain reaction would cause an effect?
Makes you turn around, makes you try to explain,
Makes you forgive and forget, makes you change?

Are you so upright you can't be bent?
If it comes to blows are you sure you won't be crawling?
If it's not for the good, why risk falling?

If everything you think you know,
Makes your life unbearable,
Would you change? Would you change?

If you've broken every rule and vow
And hard times come to bring you down,
Would you change? Would you change?

If you knew that you would die today,
If you saw the face of God and Love,
Would you change? Would you change?

Fragility



A cold day with Beth



 Tanner is having a hard time shaking the cold that he picked up over Thanksgiving.  He had a culture taken at last week's chemo appointment and the doctor told him that it was viral but he still has a bad cough and lots of chest congestion.

She told him that he needs to drink lots of fluids, stay in out of the cold, and get plenty of rest.  I'm trying to get him to drink more water and not turn to the sodas so much.  As for the "plenty of rest", he still wants to stay up all night and sleep half of the day away.  I wish I could get him back to a more "normal" routine.  It just seems that teenagers prefer to stay up all night and then sleep late the next day. 

My niece, Beth, flew in last night and her dad and I picked her up from the airport and we went straight to Aunt Gerry's house for Sunday dinner.  She will be here with me until after Christmas. 

I didn't get to go to Montana and see her this past Fall as I planned to do so I hadn't seen her since June when she last came home for a short break.  I'm so glad she is here!  I'm ready for some quality time with my girl!!

The reporter from the Fort Worth Star Telegram that wrote the story about Tanner last Christmas emailed me last week and said that they are going to run a follow up article about Tanner over the holidays.  I guess something along the lines of how he is doing a year later. I'm hoping that he will let me know when the article will run so that I will be sure and not miss it.

One of my favorite agents was just diagnosed with lung cancer and found out that it has spread to his liver, bones, and brain.  They are going to do radiation on his brain Wednesday and then will start chemotherapy the Monday after Christmas.

He wasn't feeling bad at all and the only indication he had that something was wrong is that he was losing weight and his shoulder started hurting (he thought he just pulled a muscle moving a house plant).  His daughter is a nurse and is doing research looking for doctors who specialize in the type of rare lung cancer that Chet was diagnosed with.  I hope that they find someone as brilliant as we did when we found Dr. Barlogie.



Tanner and Kelson flying kite



It still hits me sometimes, how you can be going along in your everday routine not knowing anything is wrong, and then out of the blue comes a diagnosis like cancer and you come face to face with just how very fragile life is.

I have a photo of Tanner and his cousin Kelson (who died of cancer not long before Tanner was diagnosed) on my refrigerator taken at Jesse and Rebecca's wedding.  I was looking at it the other day and thought about how there was Tanner sitting with his cousin who had cancer and we didn't know that Tanner too had cancer spreading through his body.

We need to all enjoy each day, let the petty stuff go, and treasure our loved ones because none of us know what tomorrow is going to bring.

"You never leave someone behind, you take a part of them with you and leave a part of yourself behind..."

The end of a season

I probably shouldn't even attempt to blog right now. 

I've been up since 4 a.m. this morning and it's now 12:32 a.m.  I am so exhausted, but as they say, "There's no rest for the wicked"...

Tanner went to his chemo appointment this past Wednesday and they ended up having to give him a breathing treatment.  He just can't seem to shake the cold that he caught on Thanksgiving.  Since the treatment, he does seem a littler better these past couple of days.

Of course, the illness made the rounds through this family with first Tanner getting sick, then Trevor and then, of course, myself.  I ended up missing 2-1/2 days of work this week, but on the other hand, I was brought a care package of  flowers (daisies - my favorite) and soup.  It's the small things that sometimes touch your heart the most.

I'm feeling quite a bit better physically today.  I was out first thing this morning and just about finished my Christmas shopping, went to the office and worked for a while and made up some of the time I missed while ill this week, and then spent some time with my family (loved the "new" drink Jess).

Christmas is fast approaching.  I know it's the "joyous" time of year but since my mom, dad, two brothers, and grandmother have all passed; I usually have a hard time around the holidays. 

I'm going to try and make Christmas special this season where we can celebrate Tanner having maintained remission for a year.  I need to stop wallowing in my own self pity and enjoy the simple fact that he continues to hold cancer at bay.

Won't it be interesting to see what's in store for the coming year?  Hahahaha, (sometimes I have to laugh or I will cry).

Anyway, I just wanted to give an update.  I guess it's time to try and get some sleep. 

"Ah, when to the heart of man
Was it ever less than a treason
To go with the drift of things,
To yield with a grace to reason,
And bow and accept the end
Of a love or a season?"  - Robert Frost

Thanksgiving Wknd

Thanksgiving has come and gone.  Some of it was great; some not so great.

I laughed some and I cried some.  The story of my life lately...

Tanner woke up with a very sore throat on Thanksgiving and decided he just couldn't go anywhere.  He and Trevor stayed at the house and I went to my cousin Kathy's for lunch (so much food!). Then later, went to my cousin Jesse's house (at the sweet request of little Eva) and watched the Cowboy's game and had breakfast for dinner. 

It was a really nice Thanksgiving and I brought home plates of food and desserts for Tanner and Trevor.

I was supposed to go out to the lakehouse with a few of my cousins for the weekend but the next morning Tanner still wasn't feeling very well.  I decided to take him to the Minor Emergency Center in Mansfield just to check things out.  The doctor said the throat was red but they did a strep test and it came back negative.  He prescribed some antibiotics just to be sure and cover any possible infections and Tanner told me to go on to the lake.

It was a near perfect weekend on lake Palo Pinto with beautiful weather.  We sat on the deck, talked, read, took some boat rides, the guys fished, and Kathy and I had a few margaritas and danced to Lynyrd Skynyrd.

Tanner went to the Oncologist on Tuesday and his throat seemed to be all better but they found that his Vitamin D level is low so they are going to start giving it to him at his weekly doctor appointments.  I would think this can only be helpful in mending his broken leg...

“Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.” - Lance Armstrong