Friday, November 19, 2010

Someone there for me

I had a really rough night - and a pretty rough day.

I would say that I had maybe three hours of restless sleep last night.  I find that my mind goes round and round and I just can't shut it down.

Then I went to work this morning and the tears just started flowing.  After an hour or so, I got it back together and the rest of the work day turned out much better.

I came home from work around 4:30 p.m. and Tanner and I met with the wish granters from Make a Wish.  They had asked him to make two wishes.  The first wish being the one he would really want to do and then a second choice. 

His first choice was to go to one of the small islands of Hawaii and his second choice was Key West, Florida.

Kim (the lady from Make a Wish) asked him what kind of physical limitations he might have (since he's still in a brace and uses a crutch) and then asked him if he would like to go on a helicopter tour of the island in Hawaii.  He was really excited by the idea.  Of course, I was sitting there thinking "helicopter??". 

He told them he had done research online and if Key West was the wish granted, he would like to do a jet sky tour - and he had the information to give them on the service that provides the tours.

I hope that he gets granted one of his wishes.  It would be such a wonderful experience for him.  The wish granters that were here tonight told him it would be a vacation of his dreams; that the Make a Wish foundation goes over the top to make sure the wish is above and beyond anything you could imagine.  It would be something I would never be able to give him myself.

The other side of me just becomes very emotional that he has a disease that qualifies him for something like Make a Wish.  You would think after more than a year of this, I would not still have so many of these moments where I struggle so.

After they all left, I just sat on the couch staring into space for a long time and Trevor asked me what I was doing.  I told him I was thinking and that sometimes I just struggle.  He told me to always remember it could be worse.

Surprising as it may sound, I have issues in my own personal life that, in conjunction with Tanner's illness, overwhelm me sometimes.  Lately, I seem to have a lot of these issues and I find I can't sleep and getting through the days become a struggle.

I've been thinking about going back to the doctor and asking to be put back on anti-depressants.  I guess we'll see if I pull out of this on my own.  I really hate to go back on medication but I've got to admit some of these days have been really, really, hard.

Trevor went out for a friend's birthday and Tanner went to his girlfriend's house so I went for a long walk and ended up spending a little while this evening venting with Kirk.

Thank you Kirk, for all you've done for me and my family.

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