I would say that I had maybe three hours of restless sleep last night. I find that my mind goes round and round and I just can't shut it down.
I came home from work around 4:30 p.m. and Tanner and I met with the wish granters from Make a Wish. They had asked him to make two wishes. The first wish being the one he would really want to do and then a second choice.
His first choice was to go to one of the small islands of Hawaii and his second choice was Key West, Florida.
Kim (the lady from Make a Wish) asked him what kind of physical limitations he might have (since he's still in a brace and uses a crutch) and then asked him if he would like to go on a helicopter tour of the island in Hawaii. He was really excited by the idea. Of course, I was sitting there thinking "helicopter??".
He told them he had done research online and if Key West was the wish granted, he would like to do a jet sky tour - and he had the information to give them on the service that provides the tours.
I hope that he gets granted one of his wishes. It would be such a wonderful experience for him. The wish granters that were here tonight told him it would be a vacation of his dreams; that the Make a Wish foundation goes over the top to make sure the wish is above and beyond anything you could imagine. It would be something I would never be able to give him myself.
The other side of me just becomes very emotional that he has a disease that qualifies him for something like Make a Wish. You would think after more than a year of this, I would not still have so many of these moments where I struggle so.
After they all left, I just sat on the couch staring into space for a long time and Trevor asked me what I was doing. I told him I was thinking and that sometimes I just struggle. He told me to always remember it could be worse.
Surprising as it may sound, I have issues in my own personal life that, in conjunction with Tanner's illness, overwhelm me sometimes. Lately, I seem to have a lot of these issues and I find I can't sleep and getting through the days become a struggle.
I've been thinking about going back to the doctor and asking to be put back on anti-depressants. I guess we'll see if I pull out of this on my own. I really hate to go back on medication but I've got to admit some of these days have been really, really, hard.
Trevor went out for a friend's birthday and Tanner went to his girlfriend's house so I went for a long walk and ended up spending a little while this evening venting with Kirk.
Thank you Kirk, for all you've done for me and my family.
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