A loss

I've had a nice 4th of July.

The boys have gone camping and informed me that they just wanted to spend some time together. Since I like to be alone, that was okay. I just reminded Trevor to watch out for his younger brother, remember that he's 18 and not 21, and that his bones are fragile. They have checked in several times a day to tell me that it is "all good" and as long as I hear from them throughout each day, I am ok.

I went to my friend Donna's house today and spent time with her, her daughter Hillary, and her husband Paul. It was a wonderful day and Paul grilled some delicious hamburgers.

I came home and Kelsey brought Beckett over to play with his MawMaw and we went out for some soup at Mexican Inn.

Now everyone has left and I am alone and I thought I would check my emails. Finally, finally I saw that I had received an email from John and Lauren, our friends that we made while we were in Little Rock.

I have called John's phone several times since we have seen them last and left messages and finally emailed them about a month ago that I was getting worried because I hadn't heard back from anyone.

Now, when I saw their name in my inbox, my heart skipped a beat because by this time I was afraid of what it might say.

It seems my fears were grounded because the news is that John passed away in March after spending five weeks in Intensive Care at UAMS. I guess he went into ICU right after Tanner and I saw him last and Lauren says that he was diagnosed with fungal pneumonia and ecoli sepsis.

Lauren is hearbroken and says she couldn't bring herself to tell Tanner and I what happened. I am so sad. I am in tears.

Do you know what it's like to meet someone that you just almost instantly bond with? I don't experience that often. My personality is rather withdrawn and introspective and I don't make friends easily.

While in Arkansas during those six months of intensive treatment with Tanner, we made just a few really good friends and John and Lauren were in that small group. Tanner and John seemed to be going through treatment at about the same rate so we spent a lot of time together while they went through their chemotherapy treatments.

John would tease Tanner for being a show off and rushing through his recovery quicker than the old people. Tanner would get such a kick when John would see him and call him a "little shit". We loved John and Lauren and this news has hit me harder than I could imagine.

How could you hurt so much when you find out someone you've known less than a year has died? Is it because we were all on this journey together?

I am so grateful that we got a chance to know John and Lauren. That we had a chance to meet their children and John's sisters. I'm so glad that Tanner and John had an opportunity to talk about their illness and that Lauren and I had a chance to talk about being a caretaker and the joys and fears that involves.

I am so grateful that one of the last times we were all together in Little Rock we had a chance to go out to eat, and laugh, and just be together outside of the hospital. For me to make an immediate friend like that; one whom I feel completely comfortable with, is so rare. We are so blessed that they were part of our journey.

I loved John and I love Lauren and i don't know how I'm going to tell Tanner that John is gone.

I'll post soon about what Dr. Nicholas had to say about Tanner's leg but right now I'm just dealing with the loss of a friend.