Side Effects

I kept trying to contact Tanner yesterday and finally ended up texting Cearra's mom last night and asked what was up.  Tanner knows that I need to hear from him by afternoon each day or the mom panic starts to set in (this is a side effect of not only the cancer - but years of raising young boys).

She replied that he'd been sick in bed most of the day and she would have him contact me.  He texted that he was vomiting stomach acid and had spent the majority of the day in bed. We went back and forth about taking his nausea medicine and then he said that he's experiencing muscle spasms in his arms and legs now.

I'm beginning to believe that the majority of Tanner's pains are a side effect of the chemo medications that he's been on for three years now.  I Googled velcade today and muscle spasms, back pain, and pain in the extremeties are common side effects (not to mention the nausea).

Tanner has chemo this Friday, an appointment with the Orthopedic Surgeon who did the surgeries on his legs next Tuesday, an appointment with Dr. Asad Dean (the Fort Worth Oncologist) Friday June 1st, and then his monthly appointment with Dr. Berryman in Dallas on Wednesday June 6th. 

Hopefully, between all these physicians, someone will have some suggestions about how to get his discomfort under control.

Up to this point, no one has responded to any of my messages...  Discouraging, to say the least.  So, my plans are to have this addressed by next week.  I'm actually really looking forward to seeing Dr. Gilbert on Tuesday (even though he's all the way on the other side of Dallas and that drive is NO fun). I'm hoping he can give us some insight about Tanner's back.


I'm afraid all these years of chemo are beginning to catch up with Tanner's body.

Last night, I was going through the closet moving stuff around preparing a space to put some shelves in there and ended up sitting on the floor going through the boy's photo albums.  I was looking at their sweet faces and considering all the twists and turns our lives have taken.  I looked at the innocent smile on Tanner's face on so many of the photos and couldn't help but think none of us had any idea what life had in store..

If we can get Tanner's pain and discomfort addressed, things seem to be going well for everyone right now.  He's still very much in love with Cearra - and she with him, Trevor seems to be finding some mental peace, and my life is going well.  I've been able to just settle down for the last couple of months and live in the happiness of the moments... to put aside worry of the future... of the "what if's" and just live for now. I've gained a level of contentment I haven't felt in a long time. I'll face tomorrow... tomorrow... Today is good.

I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge - myth is more potent than history - dreams are more powerful than facts - HOPE always triumphs over experience - laughter is the cure for grief - and love is stronger than death... Robert Fulghum