Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Maintenance Chemo - Again

Last week Tanner started his maintenance chemo - again.  This time seems to be a little harder on him than before since he's throwing up and and having "dry heaves" again... I'm not sure why the nausea is worse now than during this previous whole year of maintenance chemo - unless it has something to do with the fact that he hasn't had any treatment at all since January and his body has to get acclimated to all these drugs again....

I had a long conversation with Dr. Allbritton last week and to say she was a little "concerned" regarding our recent visit to Arkansas for the results of Tanner's restaging tests is putting it mildly.

She agrees that pursuing the possibility of local treatment is something that we need to explore and we have obtained referrals to a couple of different doctors in Dallas.  I am in the process of scheduling Tanner for a "2nd opinion" appointment as soon as we can get him into one of their offices.

Dr. Robert Berryman is a highly recommended Oncologist at the Blood & Marrow Clinic in the Sammons Cancer Center through Baylor Hospital.  He is affiliated with the Multiple Myeloma Research Foundation and participates in several of their clinical trials.

Dr. Larry Anderson from UT Southwestern Medical Center is another Oncologist who came highly recommended as a Multiple Myeloma specialist.

I'm hoping to get Tanner in to see one or both of these physicians in the near future so that I can get a "feel" for them and their treatment recommendations.

I've thought long and hard about all of this...  Believe me, the concept of changing doctors is stressful (to put it mildly) but I feel that I have to truly look at all aspects of Tanner's medical care - and that has to include our ability to maintain "life", (i.e., food, shelter, and support) while he is undergoing treatment.

Sometimes people tell me they don't see how I keep functioning the way I do...  How I "handle everything so well"...  I tell them I have to "keep going " every day...  But I'm struggling right now...  Somtimes this being a single mother with sons is almost more than I can bear...  I haven't lived up to the potential of motherhood the way I always dreamed I would...  Sometimes it's hard to handle all of "this" alone...

There's a wall in front of me, I can see it, and I think I'm about to hit it...


  1. Angie, take a breath. Don't worry about the "how". Just state what you want, clearly and simply, and not in terms of what you don't want, just what you do want. Go on your appointments, and I believe, the right answer will appear as it should. The door that needs to open will open, when it should, and lead you through. In the meantime, after you state what you want, (I like to write my down and put them on the fridge), then let it go. When you find yourself fretting about it, look at the note, restate the desire, and let it go. Keep this up as often as needed. I will be putting my attention on this as well.

    You are in my prayers. You need some at home medical "HELP" and "SUPPORT" so that you can relax a little with some confidence that Tanner is getting what he needs.

  2. And, although we aren't there with you ....please feel our "hugs" across the miles. You have our prayers, and our support.

    It's hard enough to deal with this when it's a spouse, but when it's your child .....it's unbelievable that you have such strength.

    Just hang in there.....you'll do the right thing. And, as for that wall...just climb over it!!