Sidetracked

Tanner's treatment is moving along as usual.  He's actually at his Oncologist's office this afternoon for his treatment this week.

So far, his nausea seems to be better but he doesn't have much of an appetite most of the time.  He's still walking using the one crutch and, occassionally, he may take two steps on his own without using the crutch but they are very halting steps and he can go no more than a short distance of a couple of paces.

The doctor has written a script and we need to go and get him fitted for new straps for his brace, or maybe even a new one, since his leg is getting bigger and is slowly catching up to the size of his "good" leg.

I don't think he or I either one have much hope that the leg will heal enough by January to avoid surgery, but I guess you never know and we'll see in four months.

There's been a lot of upheaval in our family this week and it's been overwhelming. Regardless of the fact that Tanner has cancer, he's still an 18 year old boy with all the pressures that entails.  There's just so much peer pressure at this age and life isn't easy. 

Marty (his nurse in Little Rock) and I talked during this last trip about the fact that she fears that Tanner is so afraid that he's going to die young, that he's grabbing onto life with both hands and maybe being tempted to do things he wouldn't normally consider doing - judging by the tattoos and ear gages that he's recently acquired (she's the mother of a son and seems to understand some of the pressures they face).

Tanner came to my office yesterday and spent some time talking to my boss, Bruce, and when we left the office he broke down and cried and told me he was sorry for a lot of things and that he realizes that he needs to start taking on some responsibilities and get his life back on a productive track.

Then, knowing that we've had a stressful week, Kirk came over to our house and took us out to eat last night and it meant a lot to Tanner.  Kirk has been a constant positive male role model in his life for about twelve years now and it means so much to Tanner when he gets an opportunity to spend some time with him.

He asked Kirk when he was going to cook some pasta with the red wine sauce and Kirk told him he was sure that could happen in the near future. These sorts of things mean so much...

Tanner admitted to me that he knows his life has gotten side tracked but that he's ready to turn things around and focus on the positive things in his life.  He is going to take more responsibility for taking care of himself, he's going to check on some of the grants and scholarships available to cancer patients, and he's also going to contact some of the cancer societies that try to help cancer patients find employment within their capabilities.

I am so ready for things to turn around.  I need some "normal" for a while....

As is often the case, I don't always know how much "honesty" I should put out here on the Blog.  I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings and I don't want people to become disappointed in Tanner, but on the other hand this blog has often become my lifeline in trying to handle everything that has happened to me and Tanner during the last year.

Just because he's a cancer patient, doesn't mean that he's a perfect teenager.  He's like many other young 18 year old males out there.  He's trying to find his way and sometimes he hits a detour.  I am just so grateful to those who stand by us as we travel this journey down Tanner's road to recovery - and to adulthood.