Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Not A Good Day

It's not a good day.

Tanner's girlfriend had a medical procedure yesterday and I knew most likely wouldn't feel like taking him to his doctor's appointment at 10 a.m. this morning so I told him that I would be taking him.  I woke up this morning to find a note under my door telling me that Cearra had decided that she felt like she could drive him and that I could just go on to work because he had his alarm set.

I called him at 9 a.m. and he told me he was up and that Cearra was taking him.  I texted him at 10:20 to ask him if they had made it and he said yes and that it "was crowded".

11:00 a.m. The receptionist called to ask me why Tanner hadn't made it to his appointment!!  We've rescheduled for 8:30 a.m. on Thursday morning and needless to say, I will be taking him myself.

I've called and texted and can't reach him right now but I figure he's asleep.

I'm just so very frustrated!  Quite bluntly, I'm angry!!

This past week while we've been texturing his bedroom and moving things out of the room to make way for all the work being done, I found his last prescription of Revlimid (the med that is prescribed to help extend the remission period) and he hadn't even taken it out of the bag.  It was still sealed and not even opened.

He's been sick to his stomach and experiencing lots of stomach acid.  He's been having deep depressions and mood swings....  But when you get down to it, he's not taking care of himself at all.

He wants to be like all the other 19 year olds.  He doesn't want to take medicine... He wants me to leave him alone.

He has cancer... an incurable form cancer....

I'm in a fragile state right now...  One wrong word at this point and I will be in tears... again...    On my own with a shattered heart looking the dreaded holidays in the face and Tanner has decided to just stop taking care of himself.

How do I address this?

So... He's finally answered my texts, "I just am tired of my medical stuff..."
I've emailed Dr. A that Tanner is struggling. Wanted to give her a head's up so they can address the issues at his appointment Thursday.


  1. Quick reply... he NEEDS to have someone other that Mom or Dad to tell him what he is doing and help him correct it. He is struggling with wanting to be an adult, and yet has a disease that essentially 'kidifys' him again... maybe his doctor, maybe a therapist... it will give you some relief and a person he can share his angst with... VERY IMPORTANT. You are his MOM and terribly important to him, but he also probably hates to worry you, hates to see you crying, hates that he even has to have your help... nothing personal, he's just being 19. It is terribly unfortunate that he's got this medical crisis on top of it.
    I will be intending tonight and tomorrow that you are making contact with people who have some answers for both you and Tanner on this... for the highest and best good of all concerned, so be it and so it is! Whooooo!

  2. Thank you for your comment.

    As soon as the "mom" in me calmed down over him not being honest with me, I did stop to consider my 19 year old is struggling with his cancer. Being "tired" of the medical treatment. I emailed his doctor so that she would know what is going on and they can address at his appointment Thursday.

    I appreciate your comments!

  3. Angie: Of course you're concerned, and worried, and frustrated, and above all.....scared and angry. Tanner wants to be like every other "normal" 19 year old. He has a girlfriend, and he doesn't want to be sick....especially not with an incurable disease.

    These are tough times for a young man. He's 19, but many people live for years with this cancer. He's young enough that a cure can be found, in his lifetime. But....in order for that to happen....he's gotta' continue with his treatment, so that he stays in remission.

    What a heavy load you have to bear. I don't know how you stay sane with all this going on.

    You are in my prayers, and in my heart.