On his own

Well, I let Tanner go to his chemo appointment today without me. He asked if he could just go by himself and I told him that I worry about him driving after they give him all of the medications.

At first, when they would give him the massive dose of the nausea medicine through his IV, he would get really loopy for a while. The last few times I haven't noticed any side effects from the medications but I told him I would still feel better if we waited and asked the doctor what he thought about Tanner driving himself. We finally came to a compromise, and one of his friends went to the appointment with him this morning.

We actually see Dr. Davis next week (we only see him once a month now days) and I will for sure go with him so we can ask the doctor what he thinks about Tanner driving himself to the chemo appointments every week.

You know how moms are, or at least how I am, I just want to hear that it's officially okay with the doctor.

I've been emailing with a lady from the insurance company this morning trying to determine how much out of pocket we will be responsible for if Tanner has surgery on his leg later this year.

It seems that since UAMS is "out of network" there is a $10,000 deductible and a 50% co-payment with NO out of pocket maximum (meaning we would have to pay 50% of all charges). If he has surgery in Fort Worth, there would be a deductible of $5000 with 80% coverage and $5000 additional maximum out of pocket that would have to be met.

Since we've already been billed well over $10,000 for charges this year, I'm sure we've met his deductible and co-payment maximum for this year so I'm really going to do my best to persuade Dr. Barlogie and Dr. Nicholas that we have no choice except to have the surgery performed here in Texas. Unless, of course, we hear the miraculous news that his bone is healing and surgery won't be required.

I'm not counting on that since we've already gone a year and there's been very little healing to date, so I'm just trying to prepare myself for what is surely coming.

If surgery is going to be necessary, then we need to get it scheduled because I know Cobra coverage is limited and he's already been on the policy for over a year.

Tanner just wants to be treated like everyone else. He doesn't want to talk, read, or hear about multiple myeloma. We were talking this weekend about the possibility of surgery and he told me he thought his leg was fine; that the CAT scan picture was "too good" and that he should have just had the x-rays done and not a CAT Scan.

I explained to him that the reason Dr. Nicholas had the scan done was because he needed to see an accurate picture of how the bone looks and you could clearly see the break all the way through the tibia. The discussion moved on to insurance and deductibles and bill collectors and he ended up in tears and told me his stomach hurt.

No teenager should have to deal with all of this.

You know, you have these children and you love them to the depth of your soul. You raise them to the best of your ability and they touch your heart with this unimaginable love - and they sometimes break your heart with this unimaginable pain - but no matter what, you just want to take care of them. You just want them to be happy and healthy.

You never imagine that cancer will touch their lives. You often think about how grateful you are that your children are healthy and then one day, in an instant, it all changes.

I go to work each day, I go out with my friends, I play with my grandchildren - but never ever is "cancer" far from my mind.