Well, the news from the orthopedic surgeon today wasn't so good. He said that the fracture in Tanner's left tibia isn't healing and that there isn't any calcium growing in the break. He said we would blame it on the chemo, but that other patients going through chemo have healed after this length of time. They did labwork to check on Tanner's calcium and Vitamin D levels to see if they might be an issue in his healing and we should see the results on Monday.

This means that he can't have a short cast yet - and if it hasn't started healing by January, he will have to consider going in and putting a rod in that leg. In the meantime, since he has lost some more mass in that leg, they are going to put on another full leg cast Monday morning.

I told Dr. Nicholas that I could hear Tanner moaning in his sleep the other night and when I asked him about it the next morning, he said he just needed to be able to move his leg. The doctor said they do have full casts with "braces" to where Tanner could bend his knee and move his leg around to a degree.

He told Tanner he could lightly rest the leg on the gound, but not to try and put any weight on it or take any steps on it. Tanner and I were talking about everything on the way back to the apartment and he said if the "brace" was going to be bulky (to where it could interrupt his sleep) he's going to ask them to just put a regular cast back on.

Since, at this point, he's been in a full cast for nearly six months and it looks like he will be in one for quite a while longer, I'm going to see if they can put on a goretex cast so he can just take a regular shower. I know I would have to pay the difference in cost between a regular cast and the goretex, but it would just make Tanner's life so much easier if he didn't have to worry about keeping it dry all the time.

He was, in his words, "pissed" with the news that he has to stay in a long cast. We were talking after Dr. Nicholas left the room for a few minutes and Tanner told me that he wants Dr. Barlogie to give him a 2-3 month break so he can see if his bone will heal and to also see if all of this treatment is "really working". He told me he talks to people all the time who were in remission anywhere from a few months to a few years only to have the cancer come back and that he's scared it will happen to him.

I told him that I couldn't comprehend what he's having to go through, but that I understood that fear because I worry too and that only time will reassure us both that he's going to be okay. It's the first time he's really opened up to me about the fact that he's scared and it break's my heart that I just can't "fix" all of this for him.

After coming back to the apartment and eating he seems to be in better spirits.

My work sent three boxes full of Christmas gifts for us and we opened two of the boxes last night and saved the last box for tonight. We just opened the many gifts that were sent from everyone that I work with at our home office and, believe me, he's now in a better mood!

I truly love the people I work with and can't express how much the fact that they thought of us and sent us some Christmas cheer from home meant to us both. Thank you all - for everything!

It was a nice ending to a rather stressful day!